Fifty Shades of Recovery
by H.Espinal
Summary: This is my first FF so please be gentle. I am not a writer. After Ana's mother's death, Ana Grey finally gets her life back together. Will Ana catch a break and live on happily or will life get the best of her? HEA only and it's NO longer a cheating story.
1. Chapter 1

As I stand here in my bedroom that I share with the love of my life, I count my blessings. These past three years have been over the top yes, but so worth it. At times I thought that we'd never get through everything that was thrown at us but here I stand at 25, as happy as I could be. I could never love someone like I love Christian and oh does he love me! Christian has been so supportive of me and my career. I was furious when he bought SIP but Grey Publishing has flourished and I love my baby. Of course I don't love it as much as I love my actual baby boy. Teddy is a dream come true; the perfect child. He is so happy and loving. I adore him and he adores me. He is the carbon copy of Christian but Teddy can't go a day without me. Never in my life have I felt needed and wanted like this but my family is what keeps me going.

I look at the pictures surrounding my mirror. I pick up the picture of my wedding day. I remember thinking that I could never be happier but I was definitely wrong. I carefully place it down and turn to the picture of Teddy when he was first born. I was holding Teddy in my arms. I was in that ugly hospital gown smiling down at my baby boy who grew in my belly for nine months. Then I look at my family photo from when I was eight. Ray was on his knees and me on his shoulders and I was holding onto my mother's hands; it was like I was flying. We were such a happy family then. I had no idea that we were going to fall apart. I pick up the photo and run my fingers over my mother's face. She was a shit mother but she had her own troubles and I can't blame her for that. I have come to terms with that. When she passed away last June I was devastated. She was so beautiful and so full of life. If there was anything that my mother hated it was doctors. She refused to check out a lump that she had in her breast and since I lived so far away, I had no idea. One day I got a call from Bob and my world came tumbling down. If I didn't have Teddy or Christian, I don't know what I would have done.

_My phone rings as I put Teddy into his crib. He smiles and gurgles at me, gazing at me with his loving wide eyes. _

"_Hey Mom! How are you? We've barley spoke since Teddy's first Birthday! I miss –"_

"_Ana, Ana listen it's Bob. Something happened. Your mom- Oh God! Sweetie Your Mom she-"_

_My heart stopped. "Bob. What's wrong with my mother?"_

"_Oh Sweetheart" Bob never calls me sweetheart. He sobs into the phone. I wait for him to answer trying to catch my own breath. "I came home from work and I couldn't find her anywhere. She wasn't in our room or in the kitchen." Had she been kidnapped? Did she leave him? Run away? If my mother was in any sort of trouble surely she'd call me. "I went out back to the garden and Oh, oh God no no. She was lying there on the ground. I ran to her not knowing how long she had been there. I called an ambulance. They are running tests now. They say she wasn't attacked." Tests? What kind of tests? "Ana, you need to come to Georgia. They say she might be sick. I think it's bad. Ana, honey. I'm so sorry." It's bad. It's bad. It's bad. Mom? Not my mother. Please don't take my mommy away._

_A high pitch scream forces me out of my daze and I suddenly become aware that Teddy has drops of water on his face. With a shaking hand, I touch my face and I feel the tears. I had no idea that I was crying. _

"_Ana, Honey? Are you still there?"_

"_I'll be there as soon as I can Bob." I don't recognize my voice._

_He sighs of relief. "Oh thank God." There is nothing to be thankful for. "Honey, I'll call Ray for you OK?"_

"_Okay" with that I hang up without saying goodbye. I can't even utter those words right now. _

_I pick up Teddy who is still whimpering and whip off my tears from his face. "Shhh baby boy, Mommy loves you" I rock him around until he falls asleep. I set him down and walk like a zombie downstairs to Gail. _

"_Gail. Watch Teddy. I'll be back."_

"_Mrs. Grey, Are you Ok? You've been crying. What's wrong dear? You clearly are in no state to drive. Let me fix you up a cup of tea," she says while rubbing my arm. _

"_DON'T TOUCH ME!" I scream loudly. I run to the foyer and grab my set of keys. I know she will call Christian but I need to get to my mother. I can't see anything past my tears. I'm sobbing so much and the roads look blurry. Right on cue my phone rings. I look down and it is Christian. I let it go to voicemail but he calls again. I pull over on the side of the road and pick up without a word. _

'_ANA! What the hell? Gail called Taylor saying you screamed at her and left. What is going on baby? Where are you?"_

_The sound of his voice sooths me a bit. I am dragged out of my state of shock but the tears flow even more now. _

"_Baby, No. what's wrong? I didn't mean to yell at you or make you cry. I'm so sorr-" His voice breaks me even more._

"_Chris ti- Ohhhh no no no no! I can't. I can't. I can't do this."_

"_Baby shhh. Where are you?"_

_I can barely formulate a coherent sentence. I always thought of her as such an offal mother, wonderful person but an offal mother. "I'm in my carrr, ohhh God this hurts. I can't, I can't, I can't do this."_

"_Baby what can't you do?" Christian rushes the words out so fast I barley even catch them. He is scared. _

"_Baby I need youuu. Oh I can't do this by myself." I'm sobbing so much that I am slurring my words. I can't breath. My Mom. My mommy, this can't be happening._

"_Ana I am on my way. I'll always be here for you, no matter what."_

Two strong arms wrap around my waste causing me to jump. "Hey baby you're home. Mmm I've missed you," I say as I welcome my man into my arms.

"I've missed you more. God you look so hot. I've been thinking about you the whole day. I couldn't stop thinking about last night. I got _nothing_ done today"

Last night was the first time since my mother died six months ago, that we've had sex. I know it must have been torcher for him but he was so kind to wait and restrain himself while I dealt with everything. He was so supportive and didn't come near me for months. He didn't let it affect his mood either.

"Where'd you go?" Christian asks taking me out of my thoughts as he runs his hand across my face so delicately. I hadn't realized that I spaced out on him.

"I'm sorry baby. I've just been thinking about how much I need you and I love you. You were a really great husband to be so patient with me while I dealt with my mother's death. I still can't believe you went six months without having sex and waited while I got my mind together. You're the best person in the world Christian and I couldn't live without you," I say as I wrap my arms around his neck. I feel him tense underneath me and just as I am about to ask him what is wrong Teddy's high pitch screams are heard from his room. My boy always knows when daddy is home and his terrible twos have left him craving for attention.

"I'll get him," Christian says and walks out of the door leaving me confused. He probably just had an off day at work and doesn't want to be showered with complements. Christian doesn't have any clue how wonderful he really is and how much everything that he has done means to me. I am the luckiest girl in the world. Even though my mom is gone, I know she lives in my heart. It was sudden and a hard part of my life but I am a stronger person because of it. I love my life. I wouldn't change a single thing.


	2. Chapter 2

I can't stop thinking about that conversation I had with Christian. He tensed. It wasn't just my imagination. As I watch Teddy playing with his train station, I drift off thinking about how Christian was so supportive during my mother's death.

_I am sitting in my car sobbing so hard that it's hard to breathe. Christian will be here soon. He will know how to handle this. He can make this all better. Surely we can pay for the best doctors and I am sure whatever it is she will be fine. Christian fixes everything. _

_I jump to a tap on my passenger window. Christian is outside drenched by the rain. I unlock the door and he jumps in quickly. My crying has slowed down slightly as I take sight of the love of my life. He will make everything better. He has to. _

"_Baby, Baby shhh tell me what's wrong. What happened?'' He takes my face in his wet hands and I lean into them. Despite the cold rain I can feel his body heat warming my previously cold body. _

"_My mom, my mom, she she," I can't seem to formulate a sentence. She used to take me to this park when I was younger. We would spend all day on the swings. When Ray was at work, she would play with me. She was a good mom then. _

"_Baby…. What happened?" I can hear it in his voice he is terrified but I can't seem to formulate a sentence to calm him. I can't even calm myself. _

"_B-Bob called. He said she is s-sick. He said it's bad Christian. I can't lose my mommy." I feel him tense as I push myself into his neck and cry. I can guess that it may hit home for him. After all, he did lose his mother. But in this moment, all I can think about is my mom. When I left to live with Ray, I told her I hated her. _

"_Shhh baby, it's alright. I'll ask Taylor to drive us down to the airport. We will go together. I am not leaving your side or letting you go by yourself. We will pack a bag and go Ok?" I know he is trying to be strong for me. I love him for it. I nod as an answer. _

"_Ok. Do you want to take Teddy?" I shake my head no. What kind of mother could I possibly be right now? I don't want him to travel or be in a hospital. _

"_OK baby we will leave him with Grace. Let's go get ready." I catch on that he didn't call Grace Mom. He probably did that for me, in fear of what my reaction would be. _

…

"_Baby, I am so sorry. I wish I could take all of your pain away." I don't say a word. What am I supposed to say? My mother is dead. We just came home from her funeral. I walk through Graces house and head straight to the living room. _

"_Ana honey, I am so sorry sweetie –"Grace says while holding Ted in her arms. I know she doesn't know what to say to me. No one does. I grab Ted from her arms, whisper a thank you for taking care of Ted and walk towards Christian. _

"_Let's go home."_

…_._

"_Ana, I hate to see you like this. It's been almost two months and you haven't gone to work. I understand that you want to spend time with Ted and that this is hard for you but please talk to me. I can't stand feeling so helpless." Christian says to me as I am holding Ted in my arms as he mindlessly plays with one of his many toys. I look towards the door where he is standing and look right past him. _

"_Not everything is about you Christian. I'll go when I am ready. I don't feel like talking to anyone." _

"_No baby, I didn't mean it like that. I am just worried about you." I don't say anything to him. I just whisper in my baby's ear that mommy loves him. I inhale his scent. I hope he knows that I will never leave him. Christian sighs and I hear him walk out the door. _

…

_It's been three months since she left me. Her last words were "my baby, you're here." I watched as all of the life left her eyes and her hand fell limp in my own. Ted is asleep in his pack and play in the living room. I want to look at the photo album from when I was a kid. I look at the book shelf which is where we usually keep the photo albums. _

_I realize that I had it last in my bedroom so I walk upstairs to retrieve it. As I walk in the room I hear before I see Christian in the bathroom. I look to my left and I realize that he is masturbating and has left the door slightly open. He catches my empty stare through the mirror and gasps. _

"_Ana!" He calls as if he has been caught doing something wrong. I look straight ahead and spot the photo album on my nightstand. I walk slowly to retrieve it. I can't walk fast anymore, it takes too much energy. He comes out of the bathroom and approaches me. _

"_Baby I am sorry I didn't close the door. It was my mistake. I just don't want to pressure you into anything. I can take care of myself until you're feeling better." He stares into my eyes and I stare back at him except I can't seem to concentrate on his face. I just stare mindlessly back. I feel so empty. _

"_Baby, are you ok? I am so worried about you." I know he is. I don't want to be like this but I can't help it. She died and I didn't even know she was sick to begin with. I want to be myself again but it is so hard to feel anything but pain. I want to be a good mom and a good wife but everything hurts. _

"_I know Christian. Just please give me time," I say, suddenly feeling so tired. I walk past him and head down stairs to look at the album in private._

….

I jump as I realize that I am getting a phone call. I reach for my phone and pick up.

"Hey Kate! What's up?"

"Ugh Steele, I need some girl time. I am so tired of being pregnant."

"Kate, you're barely four months." I giggle at my best friend. I know she hated the morning sickness.

"I know but I feel fat and I don't like it. Anyways, are you free for lunch tomorrow?"

"Yeah sure, I'd love to see you. I have a meeting at 2 with a client. But I am free at 12. I'd like to talk to you about something anyway." I need some girl time. Kate has been such a support system for all of us, surprisingly even Christian. They get along so well now.

"Oh no, that doesn't sound good. What is it?" Great. I shouldn't have told her that. Kate is always the journalist and she will harass me until I tell her.

"It's nothing for you to worry about Kate. I just want to talk to you."

"I don't believe you one bit Steele but fine. I got to go anyway. I'll call you tomorrow."

"Bye Kate, love you." I find myself telling everyone I love them at every conversation.

"Back at you Steele." Tomorrow I'll talk to her and hopefully she will give me some perspective on Christian's strange behavior from the other day.


End file.
